Monday, September 10, 2007

I'm A Man/Tan Girl

Ever heard of Mystic Tan? It's a booth that you stand in, stark naked, and follow four sets of feet on the floor and stand, with arms askew while a fine vapor of fake sun pours over your body. Well, I am here to tell you, there are fake sun machines and then there are fake sun machines. I will tell you a little story.

G, B and I were out in the countryside on Saturday and I happened to see a sign that said, Mystic Tan. I was amazed!! The only place I had ever heard of it was in New Orleans where I got it before the wedding. It was the perfect fake sun. Light in color without any splotches and even everywhere. I loved it. And it didn't involve any unpleasantry on my part. You go in, put some blocker cream on places where you don't want coverage (hands and feet mainly), and follow a voice on when to move before you are sprayed and all in all it takes 45 seconds.

I got home and checked out the internet for Mystic Tan. I found one that was about 20 miles away. I went. It must have been an older model because it didn't have the feet or the talking voice, and it cost $25 vs $15 I paid in New Orleans. Okay, so it was an older model; I can live with that.

On awaking this morning, I am a bit shocked. I am not the recipient of a lovely even light tan but the owner of a blotchy disgusting excuse for a tan. It's not the color; that's okay, although a little dark. It's the randomness of the coverage. I was sporting band aids after my shower to cover the biopsy cuts on my legs but took them off before the tanning session. I might as well have kept them on. The marks were still there. My feet are like I used the ManTan/QT product of 40 years ago.
And I am 'leaving on a jet plane' today for Vegas. I am gonna have to look for my loofah. And quickly!!!


Anonymous said...

ROFLMHO, like you said Tommy it must have been a very old(er)model with old expired tan powder as well...LOL!

Anonymous said...

As they say " you get what you pay for"!!

Corky said...

That story reminds me of a Friends episode when Ross got a spray tan and the machine malfunctioned. It kept spraying him all in one spot. It was a funny episode. Hope the tan evens for the trip to Vegas.

Anonymous said...

According to my experts, the most important thing is to exfoliate your skin before the spraying process. I'm guessing there was a bit of adhesive residue from the bandages.

Better luck next time!