Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Tommy's First Colonoscopy

I did it all wrong; the getting ready for the colonoscopy, that is. I got talked into doing it locally vs the appointment I had at Northwestern that my internist set up for me. Mainly the having someone pick you up was an issue when the hospital is a good hour and a half away in most traffic. The doctor I got closer is a bit of a ninny and my instructions were very unclear and conflicting. So, as I tend to do, I took the parts that I liked better of the instructions and went with it. So I did not fast the day before. I called the office to see how close to my appointment I should finish taking the liquids and the nurse (?) told me that I was supposed to not eat that day and I said, 'too late, I already have - twice' and this was at one p.m. She said to stop right now and only drink clear liquids (is wine considered a clear liquid if you choose a nice chilled California Pino Grigio?). Anyway, I got in a little nourishment so I wasn't suffering in that respect. I did learn a good lesson in all of this; you don't necessarily need to drink all 4 liters of what tastes like salt water (I don't know what the big deal as far as the taste. It was not horrible or anything remotely like that). Oh, and I love the name of the stuff; GoLytely. Someone has a sense of humor. Anyway, I figured out much too late that I could have eliminated at least a liter of the stuff or more. Unfortunately, I wasn't told that and so when all was right in the colon world, I was still getting rid of volumes of liquid. I did not like that. I started the stuff at seven p.m. and was in bed by 12:30 and did not get up until this morning. Maybe they changed the way things are done but I have heard horror stories of the getting ready and so feared it; it's not that bad.

This was my first colonoscopy; prior to this I had the lesser scope process (can't remember the name) but they do the bottom third of your colon. I would never go through that again. They don't put you under and it's very uncomfortable and many times during the process it was painful. Never again. And I love the parting comment from the nurse. She said that I might experience a little gurgling in my insides for a little bit. A little bit? I was on the elevator to leave and I was farting like I was a motorcycle backfiring with lots of people in the interminably long ride down to the lobby. I was looking at my shoes the whole time trying to blame it on someone else. They all knew.

This experience was uneventful. While I was under they went in through my throat and checked out my stomach. I thought my throat might be sore; it wasn't. Except for being drowsy when I came home at 4 and slept until 7:30, I had no ill effects from the whole process. Everyone was as nice as could be. They treated me so well that I thought it was a shame that they were wasting warm towels and five nurses on someone in for a routine test. It's really not a big deal.


Anonymous said...

That is so encouraging! I'm due for my first this year so I'm glad to hear it was not that big of a deal. I'm still giggling over the elevator scene! I can just imagine it!!

Anonymous said...

Likewise, I thought it was no big deal--over before I knew what was happening! The prep was only tough for me because I'm not one to drink my 8 glasses of water in a day so drinking a lot over a short period of time took some effort. I'm not sure who started the bad rap on the whole procedure--maybe a man who wanted sympathy--you know how they are when they have a cold and act like babies!

dee said...

Sorry, but the elevator thing is hilarious.
Now you're clean as a whistle...toot toot!

Cindra said...

I loved waking up under warm blankets... I wanted to stay there and sleep some more.

I too loved the elevator story! Thank, God, my doctor is in a walkout building.

Karen said...

Like you, I had my first colonoscopy just a day before yours. My prep on the other hand was 3 pages long! They covered every aspect/instruction two or three times just to make sure you understood what was expected. All went well. The snooze was wonderful. However, my neighbor has this done and he claims he isn't totally "out", but still not in any pain. I'll take completely out anyday. Who the heck wants to make small talk at a time like that? Glad all went well.

Corky said...

Congratulations on surviving! I woke up briefly during mine and watched the camera for a short time. It was weird.

Your elevator story needed a spew alert. My laptop almost got a diet coke bath!

Anonymous said...

Oh God Tommy -

You should write a book! It would be a best seller for sure!!!!!

I am so glad your wrote as my time is coming next Tuesday! You just keep me in stitches!!! LOL